[	In my head:	|	melancholy	]
[	In my ears:	|	Isn't It A Pity - George Harrison	]

It was a very sad day today, 25 yrs ago we lost Johnny boy Lennon, and the twat that caused it is still alive. *Tut*. I miss you John x x

Bless you wherever you are
Windswept child on a shooting star
Restless Spirits depart
Still we're deep in each other's hearts

Some people say it's over
Now that we spread our wings
But we know better darling
The hollow ring is only last year's echo

Bless you whoever you are
Holding her now
Be warm and kind hearted
And remember though love is strange
Now and forever our love will remain

("Bless You", from Walls & Bridges, 1974)

[	In my head:	|	happy	]
[	In my ears:	|	I Predict A Riot - Kaiser Chiefs	]

Hello beautiful ones

You can call off the search team and breathe that sigh of relief because yes, I am back. I know you've all gone to bed each night asking yourself "Where's that Jaynie got to?". Well ask no more for I return!

Hi.

How goes it! I've been reading a couple of times a week and keeping up to date with all the goings on. It really sucks though not having internet access to hand whenever you need it. Now I can only manage to get online when I go to the mother's. Which is where I am now.

So basically I'd just like to express how PISSED I am by the fact that yet again I didn't go to Liverpool Beatle week. 24/7 Beatle bands,exhibitions, memorabilia, etc, and I've missed it. One day though, one day.

So since Xmas when I last updated:

Steve (the boyf) and I had to move out of our flat cos the dude that leased it to us basically wanted to use the spare room to grow a massive crop of weed! And we didn't want that.

Moved to this fucking disgusting place where we had either a heroin addict or pschizophrenic (we can't decide which) living opposite. Our car was also broken into within about a month.

I tried magic mushrooms. Whilst listening to Pink Floyd. I just wanted to enjoy it but frankly I didn't really get much out of it. It very much mongs you out and you just stare at stuff, like anything with an elaborate pattern such as carpets or curtains. And I noticed my legs would not stop jiggling. After a while you just want to feel normal but you have to wait for it to naturally leave your system. I suppose if we'd been in the right situation i.e. a festival or summat they would've had a better effect, but we were just sitting indoors.

Steve & I been together about 15 months now. I do love him so.

We're living nearer to where we work and I've got a hamster called Frank (hamsters r crap, don't get one), and I acquired a guinea pig from my friend Emma (</a></a>mrsemmielou ) he is fab! Officially named Baldrick. Although he did pee on the sofa last night so that was a minor annoyance.

Already my mind is blank so talk to you soon!

x x

[	In my head:	|	peaceful	]
[	In my ears:	|	Man We Was Lonely - Wings	]

Hey folks

Well, Christmas Eve, eh? Wasn't expecting that! I SO don't feel festive. At all.

Like my new user icon? It's taken from this pic. About a month or so ago I went to a wedding fair with my boyfriend Steve's mum and twin sister, Carla. She's getting married in June 2005 so wanted some hints n stuff for what she can do. There was a dude that u could hire for your wedding reception who sat and did caricatures of the guests. He was about £250 to hire for only 4 hours! Nice work if u can get it tho I suppose. Shame I can't draw for shit.

Right here comes the boyfriend bit. Today is our 6 month anniversary, which is kinda cool that it fell on Christmas Eve. He's at home at the mo as hes just got in from work. He had to help his dad, who owns a milk round, to deliver shit loads of milk and get the money for it. The customers always leave gifts for the milkmen so Steve came home with a nice bottle of wine & some mince pies. God bless the dairy industry. Going over to his parents for Christmas day too. I know that he's got me a video mobile phone, I guessed it was a mobile but managed to get out of him what type when he was drunk. Heh.

Nothing else really exciting to report, just plodding on with life. I tell you one thing though, living on your own without the financial support of your parents is tough! But we get by bless us

Laters gators x x

[	In my head:	|	peaceful	]
[	In my ears:	|	Damien Rice - Cannonball	]

For those who'd actually noticed that I'd been away, thank you. There'll be a proper update when I can be assed. For now though.....
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Jayne
2. Jaynie
3. …Um……

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. dolly_rocket
2. like-jolie
3. jayneharrison

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair
2. Lips
3. Eyes

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Teeth
2. Legs
3. Ass

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Indian
2. Irish
3.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Spiders
2. Being alone
3. The dark

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. Food
3. Love

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Blue tie-dye jumper
2. Jeans
3. Black & Blue striped socks

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS:
1. The Beatles
2. The Killers
3. Simon & Garfunkel

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. I Believe In You – Kylie Minogue
2. Glamourous Indie Rock & Roll – The Killers
3. More Than Words - Extreme

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. A Tattoo
2. Interesting sexual positions
3. To get a decent effing job!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I’m engaged
2. I’m cold
3. I love The Beatles

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE GENDER/S YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes
2. Build
3. Voice

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Get off the computer
2. Drive a car
3. Eat salad

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Sex
3. Listening to music

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Scratch
2. Eat something
3. Get the damn shopping out of the way

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1.
2.
3. Teacher

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO:
1. Liverpool
2.Scotland
3. Australia

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Jay
2. Molly
3. Alex

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Complete happiness + contentment
2. Achieve financial security
3. Marriage

(Credit to redmullet)

[	In my head:	|	indescribable	]
[	In my ears:	|	Cheer Down - George Harrison	]

Word.

Ah it is a happy life. It's so weird to think that in January/February/March/April I was Depressed and self harming. And in July/August/September (and hopefully beyond) I am happier than perhaps I've ever been. Steve, my boyfriend of 2 months and 4 days, told me he loved me t'other day, and I had a little cry. As self-pitying as it sounds, I can't believe someone as beautiful and wonderful as him loves lil old me. And I of course love him too, more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. The living together thing is going great.

Not really much else to report I'm afraid. TTFN. x x

[	In my head:	|	Grown up	]
[	In my ears:	|	Hey Ya - OutKast	]

And then.......

I won't be updating this wee poppet of a journal as much as i'd like (not that I did it that much anyway), as I have moved out! I now reside with my beautiful boyfriend Steve. Though it's been only 6 weeks, we both feel ready to be together all the time. Just have to see how it goes.

[	In my head:	|	sleepy	]
[	In my ears:	|	Hare Krishna Mantra - George Harrison etc	]

I really should update this more often, 'cos now I've gotta try & remember everything in my mundane life that's happened.

LOVE:
I've had sex I've had sex I've had sex I've had sex I've had sex! So yeh, I've had sex. And what jolly fun it is too! Why the hell did I wait til now? It's the most fun I've had probably ever. Rather stupidly we didn't practice it safely but the morning after pill came to the rescue. I'm going to the doc's tomorrow to go on the Pill. Been with Steve 4 weeks 3 days, and loving every second of it. He's Gorgeous, in every way. 

WORK:
Fuckin' 'ell I hate my job. I'm getting it in the neck from my mates, my boyfriend and my mum to find somewhere else, as they docked my hours where I am now. I am trying to find another job but there is nowhere right now. The only things I can find are temporary positions, to cover the school holidays. So poverty is the name of the game thus far.

So yeh, the two things seem to be the only things going on in my life right now.

Ta-ta x

[	In my head:	|	horny	]
[	In my ears:	|	Daysleeper - REM	]

Had a great night last night. I don't quite know what's happening to me, however. I've always been very anti-Essex, I hate everything it represents and contains. (Burberry, short skirts, gold earrings, Staffordshire bull terriers, etc etc). But of late I've been accepting that these are the surroundings I have to put up with until I can move away. Went out for dinner with Hazel and a couple of old school friends, Heidi & Charlie. Went to the Blue Boar in Billericay, then for dinner at Caffe Uno. I'm such a skin-flint, I'm shocked by the fact that it costs £8 just for a lasagne! And I didn't even eat all of it, it was so so rich. Steve, being the lovely boyfriend he is, offered to pick me up after the meal, even though he lives nowhere near Billericay, so when he arrived I took him back to the Boar for drinks. Managed to spend some time with him at t'bar, before everyone was coming over being nosey bitches. Bless 'em. I'm such a lightweight, and all I drank was crappy things like Bacardi Breezers and Reef's (the Essex girl in me is slowly being released).

We're going to see Shrek 2 tonight!

[	In my head:	|	Fine	]
[	In my ears:	|	Good Luck - Basement Jaxx	]

So I eneded it with Kirk. I said something like "I'm sorry, I can't wait forever for you to not be 'busy'. I've met someone who can make time" or something like that, and he replied "Well, actually I was going to ring you at the weekend and say the same thing [what a coincidence]. Keep me updated on your new man, hope he treats you well".
Dunno if he meant that. Nice gesture if he did.

So I'm meeting up with Steve in a wee while. It's going so well (even though I've know him a total of 6 days). Don't want to put a jinx on things.

Over and out.

[	In my head:	|	weird	]
[	In my ears:	|	Stand - REM	]

Met up with Hazel in town yesterday. Had coffees (makes me feel like a grown up, drinking cappucino in public), talked about life, love, the universe & everything. She had brought with her some houses & flats she'd seen that she'd quite liked. Then we went to Allders and went round sitting on every sofa and bed and armchair, trying to decide which would be suitable for our house. The saleswoman came over and she was telling us about different schemes n stuff, and I felt really grown up! heheh.

So yeh....we went to the pub afterwards for drinks & stood at the bar, and there were 3 builders @ a table, kept making comments n stuff.  There was one though, he was really nice. He had quite dark features. Anyways, hazel went to the toilet & this other builder came over, he was so pissed. He asked for my number. Hazel came back out but sat at their table cos she thought I didnt want to be disturbed from being chatted up by some weasel faced drunken twat. I made my excuses and sat at the table to be with Hazel. The pissed guy was busy...being pissed, so i got talking to this other guy, who's called Steve, and who's 29.
Anyways, it got to 11pm (How it got that late without us noticing I don't know) and Hazel had to go. By this time, Steve and I were doing the sitting close together, leaning on each other, touching legs thing. I walked Hazel to the taxi rank and saw her off, then came back to the pub. I sat back next to Steve, but noticed that some guy had joined them. Steve didn't know who he was. Anyway, this guy was shaking, and talking fast, and it was obvious he was high on something. The pissed guy who asked for my number came and sat between me and the Drugged Up guy. Drugged Up then produced a bag, and laid a menu on the chair. He emptied the bag, which I discovered to be cocaine, onto the menu. He seperated them into lines, and I've never been so scared in my entire life. I noticed two bouncers at the bar, trying to look like they weren't looking in our direction. I said to Steve "Look, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be part of this." He hugged me and pulled me really close to him and he said "Just stay and talk to me, they're nothing to do with us".
I noticed one of the bouncers had come closer to our table, and Pissed Guy Who Asked For My Number leant over, about to do a line, when all of a sudden this bouncer grabbed him and dragged him across the table and chucked him outside. I was shaking, and Steve was comforting me and telling me to calm down, not to worry. We went outside at closing time and Pissed Guy was out there, begging for a lift. Steve was just telling him to fuck off. He offered me a lift, but I politely declined as he'd been drinking. He said he'd walk me home, even though it was like a half hour journey. We kissed, and it was really nice. Anyway, half hour later, we got to my road and I didnt want to go. He was like "Shit, I've left my van back in town......walk me back?" So back we went. We found his van, and all four tyres had been let down, and his front lights smashed.
So bla bla bla......he AGAIN walked me back home, and we couldn't leave each other alone. We swapped numbers, I got home at 5am, had to be up at 8.

Anyway, Kirk texted me (at last!) yesterday, funnily enough when I was talking to Steve. He said he's just been so under pressure recently. He said his parents r going away again soon (hooray!) so we can get to spend some time together. But u see I have a predicament. Steve is now on The Scene, he is new, and keen, and lovely. Whereas Kirk never went away, yet he is not around, often busy. Yet I (hate to use the word) prefer him I think. Oh who knows.....You only live once. Unles you're Hindu.

[

In my head:

|

confused

]

Well, the first entry in a new place. My old journal like_jolie held some pretty rough entries. Stuff happened that I overeacted to, and I upset people that I never intended to. So yeh. The end.

In other life-related news, Hazel & I have started to look for flats/houses. It's time to fly the nest. The only thing is, I need to find a regular job that has regular income. So a job hunting I shall go tomorrow!